Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
