i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
