Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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