I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
