I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
