Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
