So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
