I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
