Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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