My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
