The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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