how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
