after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
