This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
