Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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