Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
