Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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