yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You're like the curious george of whores
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
