I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.