Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
