Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
