I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
