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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.

  Fav 12 997 2006

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.

  (786): View more from Florida

  that would mean it's on tape

  Fav 6 4207 1230

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• (315): View more from New York

  at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today

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  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.

  (253): View more from Washington

  I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?

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• (212): View more from New York

  I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.

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