Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this boner is exhausting
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
