Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
