i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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