I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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