More tranny stories later!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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