I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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