if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
