My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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