i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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