sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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