You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
