bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
