i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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