I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
