Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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