This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
