Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
