Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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