it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
