I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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