I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
