thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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