you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
