she was so not down for the gang bang
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
