my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
