FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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