update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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