Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
