I wish I could teleport
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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