my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
