im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize