So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
