At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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