omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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