That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
