im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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