Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
