Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
try to milk me bitch
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