haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
