How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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