i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
