When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
