everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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