Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
