so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
