a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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