I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
