the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
