sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
