I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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