Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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