oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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