You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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