I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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