y did u give ur computer a hand job?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize