No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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