i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
