i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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