Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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