You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
