Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
